I’ve not felt well lately, very tired and stressed. Part of this comes from having a lot of appointments scheduled. A big part of it however comes from wanting to do to much. I don’t want to do extraordinary stuff — although for my condition it would qualify as such. I want to do stuff other people consider normal.
- Walk the dog for an extra long time.
- Buying groceries.
- Hanging out with friends.
- Visit family.
- Go to the movies.
- Randomly hop into the car with TG and go for a nice beach-walk.
All of these things require planning on my side, which also sucks up precious energy.
A couple of days ago I read Michael Nobbs’ new book Sustainable Creativity in which he discusses the importance of learning how to say ‘no’. For some areas I know when to say ‘no’: I can easily say it when I don’t want to do something, or I don’t have the time, or I have other plans. But at those times when I don’t have plans yet, I really want to do it and think I have the energy, I won’t say no. And this backfires. I rarely do have that much energy, and end up canceling many things. This does not make me happy.
Tonight I watched the movie ‘Yes-man‘ and it gave me an idea. What if I say ‘no’ instead? I have things planned (and one not-yet-planned-but-sorta) and won’t precancel them. I will not make new plans however, excluding the ones where I go to the hospital (or other medical stuff) or where people come to my house (less tiring).
This may sound a little drastic, but I gave it some thought and it seems like a cool experiment. Worst case, I’ll feel bad the day after for saying ‘no’ and then I’ll have learned I said ‘no’ to something that matters to me. In a way, this will force me to re-evaluate things that matter to me most, and these may or may not include the things I think matter the most.
It will also, hopefully, give me some practice in saying ‘no’ when I do think I have lots of energy (but actually don’t and I end up wasting all of my reserves).
I have no idea about how long I want to do this, considering a month or perhaps until New Year
I think this is a brilliant idea! Actually, you inspired me to try something simular this week, it coincides perfectly with one of my rehab goals :-)
I had my first rehab intake yesterday and they mentioned a few things that seem to fit well with this idea. Mostly how you have to break your habits and have to learn to stop before it gets so bad that you have to stop.
I think this is a very good idea, Tanja. I’ve decided to try something similar this month. I’m going to try and not make any more scheduled plans (though like you I won’t cancel stuff I’ve already got planned). I shall play things by ear and just see how I feel on any given day. If I feel well enough to do something I’ll do it, otherwise not. For the things I do have planned (apart from “official” stuff that’s difficult to avoid) I’m going to try and think of them as options rather than obligations. We’ll have to see how things go!
Good luck to you with saying “no”.