Feb
24
2010
I spent the past ten days without my laptop, very interesting. I had my trusty EEE pc and my phone to fall back on, however, mostly just for the basics. My workflow on my macbook did not fit the EEE (for one, I really missed TextExpander)
I mostly rested, having an RA-flare, and did some decluttering (which I intend to continue). I also worked out a small plan to start a new sleeping-schedule. After trying for months to fit back in the ‘normal world’ I decided to revisit my afternoon naps. Not sure if I feel better, but I like the idea of getting up early, do stuff, then go to have a three or four hour nap in the afternoon and then do things in the evening as well. None of that power-nap stuff, I need solid hours. This way, I hope to spread my energy more evenly and to still participate in the ‘normal world’.
I tried it out today, and though I feel sleepy and tired and slightly confused, I did very much enjoy my afternoon nap. I also made a drawing this morning, during my first wake. Always good :)
Feb
15
2010
I had a really bad night with pains and waking up from sleeping limbs. I felt quite upset all night, thinking ‘Frell, I haven’t gotten anywhere in the past year!’. It took a lot of energy and time to get out of bed, to make my tea, walk my morning-walk, eat my morning banana. It seems I have a pretty bad (for me) case of RA in my hips. Despite the painkillers and anti-inflammatories it still hurts and walking Nano has become a major chore (but I still did it myself!). TG came over and did my laundry and cleaned up the kitchen a bit. He also fought with my hoover and then hoovered the living-room. I still didn’t feel so fabulous, because I couldn’t do those things myself, and then I came across Michael Nobbs’ latest post where he talks about how doing a little often does make you achieve things.
I realised that in the past year:
- I did get that desk cleared out in little steps at a time.
- I did figure out what foods do work, and which don’t, mostly. (yay for cheesefondue)
- I did also manage to feed myself properly enough to not have my weight bounce up and down too much
- I did walk Nano almost every time myself, not only giving her a little exercise but also myself.
- I did crochet a few little dolls and a scarf.
I still have this nagging feeling that I could do more, that I should do more, however, I also know that that nagging feeling should just shut up. I should do what makes me happy, what keeps me healthy (well, as healthy as possible) and I should do what feels right.
And slowly, I’ll achieve things. It might take ages, especially with a flare like this in between, but I’ll achieve wonderful things.
If I actually could make a fist right now, I’d probably shake it at a virtually enemy. But I can’t, so I’ll just say ‘Take that, virtual enemy!’
Feb
14
2010
Annoyingly, my laptop broke. I’ve narrowed it down to a broken video-chip and that might still fall under warranty (an extended one, due to known factory defect). Originally I planned to take it to the Apple Store this weekend, but Apple Stores during the weekend usually get a bit crowded. Current plan means going in as soon as I feel up to it (tomorrow maybe) and see if they can fix it.
For now, this means using my trusty little EEE for irc and (barely) browsing, and my phone a little. It feels very basic and simple.
Dec
20
2009
It started snowing a few days ago, a fairly rare event judging from how the trains stopped going. On the other hand, that says more about the trains than the actual weather.
Nano enjoys the snow very much and randomly barks at it when she sees it falling. She loves rolling around in it, for some reason, sticking her nose in it and getting covered with snow. It sticks to her fur a lot, she needed a shower to get it all out. She looked like one of those cotton-ball-sheep :)
Dec
3
2009
Broken iPhoneToday I ran some errands. I got prints from my lab-work and then headed to the pharmacy to pick up my medication. My MTX went up in dosage so I had to get new prepared syringes. I left my prescription there on Saturday and they told me then to pick it up on Tuesday / Wednesday. So I went today.
Unfortunately, when I got there and after waiting for a bit, they told me they wouldn’t give me more because I picked up my prescription two weeks ago already. I explained that I got a new prescription for a higher dosage right after I picked the other one up. The girl at first thought the prescription said 15mg (old dose) but upon closer look, it did indeed say 20mg. The note, made by the person accepting my prescription Saturday, said 15mg however — someone screwed up. She did promise me to order it right away and to come back tomorrow. A bit annoying.
I then went to the supermarket around the corner to buy some fruit (tangerines and bananas) and some crackers. I happily listened to my music, feeling slightly annoyed by the pharmacy thing but also looking forward to some nice tangerines. When I got outside and checked my iPhone for the time, the screen had gone nuts. All the while my music played, but the screen won’t display anything sensible.
I suspect tangerine-envy.
Tomorrow I’ll go back to the store to have it repaired. I miss it already.
Nov
30
2009
When I woke up from surgery, about half an hour after they sewed me up again, I felt nauseous. They gave me an injection of something which helped a little, though I did stay nauseous all the time in the hospital.
I have an anecdote there: I got this medication that didn’t help so much, so one of the nurses (bless her) switched me to something else, and that worked great. This after exclaiming:
But this stuff relaxes your stomach! You don’t have that anymore, I will give you something else.
The stuff I got after that worked great. The next time they wanted to give me that other stuff again, but I and TG(TallGuy aka bf aka grimm) protested heavily and I got the other stuff again. They also turned down the epidural (took away one of the opiates) to help with the nausea.
It never went away completely.
Now that I’ve removed certain foods from my diet (wheat-products and milk) and have stopped taking the Plaquenil I have a lot less nausea. It hasn’t gone away completely (yet), however, it has gone away a lot. Instead of mostly nauseous with some nausea-free hours, the reverse happens most of the time. I only have the last week or two to look at, so I won’t yet do a little victory dance. It looks good, though, and that makes me happy.
Nov
1
2009
Procrastinating from my Nanowrimo-novel (3471 words) I found Hugh Macleod’s article ‘ don’t worry about being an artist. just worry about getting the work made. ‘.
It reminded me of how I know some people that graduate in something or the other, and then say ‘Oh, now I am a real <insert random profession>’.
When then asked what they really do then, they usually don’t have an answer to that. But at least they can say ‘I’m a <insert random profession> now!.
Apart from these, a lot of people also seem to think that creativity (in any shape and form) requires talent. They don’t really know what this talent actually means, but clearly some people have it and some don’t. You get born with it, or maybe some fairy comes by at night and sprinkles it on you.
I don’t believe in talent (or that evil cousin called ‘luck’). I believe in (hard) work. I believe in doing. I believe that when you have an interest in a subject you need to dig in and put in the hours and hours of work to get ‘good’ or ‘great’ at it. Getting good / great requires work more than this vague talent. Sure, some people seem to do it more easily, however, most of these creative things take practice. And practice means work. It means failing and loving your failure because of the unexpected result. It means hating your failure and deciding you want to do the opposite. It means challenging yourself. It means stretching out to the borders of your sanity to see if you can, and then crossing it. It means stretching to the edges of your ability and finding you can go further than you thought you could go.
So I make this bold statement that you cannot be unless you do.
You can call yourself a writer, an artist, a whatnot. But if you don’t actually do it, then you just stuck a label on yourself. Ask yourself what you would like more.
Oct
29
2009
To followup on my previous post about anti-procrastination week (which, indeed, turned out better than having an anti-procrastination day, because I needed to dose these things), I did get some things done:
- -call GP for bloodtest (vitamins, food-allergies, regular check)-
call rheumy for more MTX (I called and rheumy would call back, but didn’t; so even though I did it, I’ll still have to do it again… meh)- -call surgeon’s office for bi-annual post-cancer check-up-
- call physiotherapist to set up initial appointment
- -arrange the christmas name-drawing thing-
- clear out the rest of the table (*did a little, but table not cleared yet*)
- tackle mount Washmore (*did do a wash / dry but no fold*)
- fill out the post-gastrectomy questionnaire (optional, though they did send it to me twice)
see if I want to do that The National Cervical Screening Programme (not doing it now, maybe in a month or so)- see if I can squeeze in six more parts for nanowrimo
- make a nanowrimo soundtrack (*partially done*)
Things I did, important ones, that I didn’t put on the list but should have:
- took out garbage (not the regular, the rubbish for cleaning table and other areas in house)
- mailed a few important documents
- made several nice meals
I feel pretty good about these lists. Even though it seems I didn’t get that much done, I did do stuff. And I did them despite having two really lousy days where I had to send the dog over to stay elsewhere for a night. I should focus more on the things I did get done, and not so much on the ones I didn’t…
Oct
25
2009
I thought about having an anti-procrastination day tomorrow, but seeing my huge list of things I really need to do, I decided on a anti-procrastination week. In the following week, I will do as many thing as possible from the following list:
- call GP for bloodtest (vitamins, food-allergies, regular check)
- call rheumy for more MTX
- call surgeon’s office for bi-annual post-cancer check-up
- call physiotherapist to set up initial appointment
- arrange the christmas name-drawing thing
- clear out the rest of the table
- tackle mount Washmore
- fill out the post-gastrectomy questionnaire (optional, though they did send it to me twice)
- see if I want to do that The National Cervical Screening Programme (also two reminders, and also optional)
- see if I can squeeze in six more parts for nanowrimo
- make a nanowrimo soundtrack
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